There’s a story many leaders (especially women and those in service-driven work) have been told and sold:
That to be good, you have to give until there’s nothing left.
That exhaustion is a symbol of excellence.
That boundaries are selfish.
Let’s call it what it is: the Overgiving Myth.
It’s everywhere in healthcare, social work, and ERGs. And while it may look like dedication on the outside, it’s a slow and silent form of self-erasure.
This month, we’re rewriting that story.
Because overgiving is not a leadership style. It’s a warning sign.
What Overgiving Actually Costs Us
Let’s bust this open like the Kool-Aid man through a wall!
- When leaders overgive, teams mimic the same pattern until everyone is stretched too thin to function.
- When we glorify exhaustion, we lose retention, innovation, and joy.
- When we deny our own needs, we send the message that others should too.
Overgiving is performative service. And it’s one of the most common paths to burnout. Oh, yeah!
You can’t lead with clarity, courage, or creativity when you’re resentful, depleted, and silently hoping for a crisis just so you can rest.
Oof. Yep. Been there.
Why We Fall for the Martyrdom Trap
This isn’t about blame…it’s about unlearning.
We’ve been conditioned to believe:
- Saying yes = being a team player
- Going the extra mile = being valuable
- Being busy = being important
Especially in nonprofit, caregiving, or advocacy spaces…where guilt and mission-driven identity collide…it’s easy to confuse sacrifice with service.
But when you lead like a martyr, your team becomes a mirror.
The Shift - From Overgiving to Boundaried Leadership
The healthiest teams are led by people who model:
- Clarity
- Capacity awareness
- Compassion (not codependency)
So what does that look like in action?
- Saying, “That doesn’t work for my schedule, can we find another way?”
- Taking actual time off and sharing why it matters
- Reframing productivity around impact, not hours
Boundaries are not a barrier to success. They’re the infrastructure of sustainability.
Introducing The Yes/No/Maybe Matrix
This month, I created a one-pager that’s part permission slip, part clarity booster and a full-on vibe for any leader tired of overgiving.
🎯 It’s called The Yes/No/Maybe Matrix – and yes, it’s giving retro decision-making realness (shoutout to every 90s kid who used one to rate crushes).
🧠 It helps you identify where your energy is leaking and where your boundaries need backup.
🛑 It includes fun reframe prompts and actual permission slips you can print, post, and laugh about.
✨ It’s designed to help you serve smarter without running out of steam.
Download it here → [The Yes/No/Maybe Matrix]
Leadership That Lasts Isn’t Martyrdom, It’s Modeling
Want to serve more powerfully? Model what replenishment looks like.
Let your team see you pause.
Let them hear you say, “I need a moment.”
Let them know taking a beat isn’t earned. It’s essential.
This is the new leadership model: clear, calm, sustainable.
The kind of leadership that doesn’t just do more…it creates cultures that hold people up.
Try This With Your Team
Here are 3 ways to use this month’s tool:
✅ Ask your team: What’s one thing you’ve been saying yes to that you actually want to let go of?
✅ Print and post the permission slips in the breakroom or Slack channel
✅ Open your next meeting by modeling a boundary and inviting others to share one too
Overgiving is not your legacy. Modeling sustainability is.
Download The Yes/No/Maybe Matrix, use it with your team, and start writing a new story…one where boundaries build trust, and service doesn’t require self-sacrifice.
And if you’re ready to bring this message to your org or ERG, I’d love to speak to your team.
My Stress Less, Serve More keynote transforms overworked, mission-driven cultures into calm, energized ones without ever losing impact.
Let’s shift the standard together.
👉 [Download the Yes/No/Maybe one-pager]
👉 [Book Heather to speak]